


i only like the summer when it's with you

by snakebait



Category: VIXX
Genre: Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentioned RaKen, side rabin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 23:35:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18486748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakebait/pseuds/snakebait
Summary: Taekwoon holds onto Hakyeon’s arm, leaning into him and closes his eyes. Hakyeon knows he’s smiling even without looking. He’s only known Taekwoon for a month but hanging out every day and being with his family constantly gives him a new sense of closeness. He wants to know more about Taekwoon but he’ll leave soon.There’s still next year.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> for the record! i made the seasons match up with australian seasons so dec-feb is summer, mar-may is autumn, june-aug is winter and sep-nov is spring! basically, hakyeon sees taekwoon at the end of the year. 
> 
> this was written for my friend :] enjoy!

The stories of high school sweethearts growing old together with four kids is something Hakyeon has heard time and time again, over the years. His parents are high school sweethearts. His eldest sister is engaged to her high school boyfriend. Everyone he knows has found love when they were young, usually in school. His friends are talking about the cutest girl in their class, about the boys in their sport class who can run the fastest.

Hakyeon doesn’t get it.

He thinks it’s dumb. How can you know you’re in love when you’re eleven? It’s ridiculous to even think about that. He just wants to pass sixth grade so he can go into middle school. He wants to run around and get muddy and colour outside the lines because he wants to be a kid. Who has time to sit around and stare into someone’s eyes? He doesn’t want to talk about the cutest girl or the fastest boy. He wants to talk about what he did on the weekend and how his family might be getting a dog soon and what he wants to name it.

“All kids think like that,” his sister tells him as she puts her earrings in her ears. They’re sparkly and they dangle. Hakyeon wonders what they’d look like when someone dances with them on. 

“You’re just a kid,” she says, spinning on her chair. Hakyeon hugs her when she holds out her arms because yeah, he is just a kid. He doesn’t care about falling in love. He’s excited for the new Power Rangers episode on Saturday.

Hakyeon is eleven and he doesn’t care about a lot of things. He doesn’t care about his sandy feet and laughs when his mother chases him, whining about him tracking mess through the house and picking him up to put him in the bath like he’s still three years old. He’s eleven, in fifth grade, and his biggest concern is the blister on his foot because it hurts when he puts on his shoes. They’re light up ones and he wants to wear them but it _hurts._

What he does care about is the seaside place.

He knows he’s being annoying when he keeps asking _are we there yet?_ But he’s impatient and he wants to get out of the car. He’s bored, he got sick of watching his brother play sudoku and the DVD player in the car isn’t grabbing his attention anymore. It’s _boring_ and the countryside zooming past them in the car is going too fast for him to spot anything and call it out.

‘The seaside place’ is where Hakyeon and his family go for the summer holidays. They’ve been going since he was eight years old, every single summer and it’s fun for the most part. He gets to do whatever he wants and the kids there play with him. It’s nice that no one knows them because it’s _Hakyeon’s_ place. It keeps him occupied and he can dance in the town when his parents bring him to the festivals. The girls there in their makeup and pretty dresses call him handsome and he grins when they coo at him.

His father announces that they’re finally there and Hakyeon unbuckles himself and gets out of the car. He does it a little too fast and falls, skinning his knee, but he’s up in seconds, running off towards their rented house that he sees every year. His sister calls after him and he goes back to her to help her with the things in the car. This will be the last summer she’ll spend with them since she’ll be married in a few months and her summers won’t be with her family anymore. Hakyeon keeps close to her.

They unpack. They’ll be here for a month, their rented house a holiday house for them in a way. They have a big family and they’ve made friends with the common neighbours. Hakyeon and his family are friendly and it’s a good thing because it feels like a home away from home when they’re here.

It doesn’t take long. It’s a rented house and they don’t unpack everything all at once. It took four hours to get here, they’re all a little tired and Hakyeon wants to see the seaside. His mother agrees to take him and when they go, the sun is almost setting but it’s prettier that way.

“Your hair is getting long,” his mother muses as they walk. “Maybe we’ll cut it tomorrow?”

Hakyeon just nods. He doesn’t care what his hair looks like. It get sin his eyes and his mother spins him to judge the length of his fringe. He squints through the hair, resisting the urge to flick it out of his eyes and his mother purses her lips, using her fingers to figure out how short to cut it.

“Maybe we’ll shave it like dad,” she says and Hakyeon jumps away from her, running down the wooden steps to the shoreline, shaking his head. His hair goes everywhere and he’s acutely aware of why his sister likes to braid it now. He really does need to cut it.

“I don’t want to shave it!” he squeals, running from his mother who giggles, her hands outstretched to grab him but she stops, calling his name urgently.

He tries to stop because she sounds worried but the pebbles catch his shoes before his mind can stop his legs and he falls, the skin of his knee from the concrete not as bad as this feeling. His hands sting and he sits back on the stones, picking the little rocks that make dents in his skin. It hurts but he’s not badly hurt, just dirty and his mother is coming up behind him but it’s not her hand that’s in front of him. The hand is too pale to be hers.

Hakyeon looks up with wide teary eyes, dirt under his fingernails, to see a boy, his age, staring at him. His eyes are pretty, feline-like and there’s a mole under his right eye. He’s not scared, he’s not crying and his skin is pretty in the setting skin, pink almost. His black hair is almost reflective and Hakyeon takes his hands. The boy doesn’t mind his dirty skin and brushes off Hakyeon’s hands as best as he can.

“But you’re dirty now,” Hakyeon says quietly, his mother’s footsteps halting.

“I’m not hurt,” the boy says, his voice higher pitched and airy. “If you don’t clean the cuts, they’ll get infected. It will hurt more.”

Hakyeon looks down at their hands, nodding and drawing his hand away to shake it off. His knee stings and when he looks down, he’s bleeding. He sniffs and his mother comes up, kneeling down to look at his knee with fretful eyes. The boy stands there, blinking at the two of them and Hakyeon, tilts his head, pushing his hair out of his eyes with his other hand. The boy’s hair is like his but his fringe is shorter, out of his eyes and a little choppy. Maybe he doesn’t care either.

“I’m Hakyeon,” he says and the boy looks at him. He offers his left hand and Hakyeon takes it since his right is scratched up and dirty.

“Taekwoon.”

Hakyeon smiles and Taekwoon stares at him, the sun disappearing behind them and painting them in a ruddy glow.

 

***

 

Hakyeon and Taekwoon become very close.

At first, it’s a little difficult. Taekwoon doesn’t speak much and he doesn’t like affection like Hakyeon does but Hakyeon remembers every fact that Taekwoon shares with him like it’s a secret. He loves learning about him, loves making him smile before Taekwoon covers his mouth and looks away, glaring at him. He’s only here for a month but he wants to come back so he can see Taekwoon again and again.

Taekwoon has three older sisters. He likes children even if he is one himself and he collects pretty shells on the seaside that Hakyeon sees every time he walks by the sea. They stay out until sunset and don’t go home until the street lights come on but sometimes, Hakyeon stays and has dinner with Taekwoon and his parents. They live in town and Taekwoon was born and raised in the town that Hakyeon loves so much. 

Hakyeon and Taekwoon walk around in town, Taekwoon’s sister behind them because she’s older and needs to take care of them with her boyfriend but it doesn’t matter. She’s nineteen and her boyfriend is like family to Taekwoon so Hakyeon doesn’t really mind.

“Could you sell your sheels like that?” Hakyeon asks him, pointing at one of the market stalls. There’s always markets going on during Saturdays and Sundays, locals coming with fruits, art, homemade jewelry and such. Hakyeon usually goes with his brother but Taekwoon mentioned it and he wanted to go with him.

Taekwoon stares at him in shock, shaking his head frantically. “No!” he says quickly, pulling Hakyeon’s wrist to get him away from the stall. Hakyeon laughs softly, moving his hand to grasp Taekwoon’s.

“I didn’t say you had to,” he says softly and Taekwoon squeezes his hand, watching their feet as they walk.

“They’re special,” Taekwoon answers, their hands still clasped together. Even though he doesn’t like affection, he hasn’t pulled away and Hakyeon smiles to himself, happy and pleased at it all. It’s fun and he’s glad that he’s made a new friend here, someone who lives here and wants to hang out with him as much as what Hakyeon does. 

Taekwoon is his opposite but they work so well together. He’s quiet while Hakyeon is happy and a little loud, affectionate and outgoing whilst Taekwoon prefers the shadows, the background and the personal space. But he likes Hakyeon, he doesn’t mind when Hakyeon touches him and Hakyeon likes him too.

They sit on the shore, Taekwoon’s house only a few blocks away and it’s simple. Taekwoon is laying out the shells he found and Hakyeon pulls his legs up so he had more room on the shore.

“You leave in two days,” Taekwoon says, his voice almost lost in the sounds of the seagulls squawking at each other nearby and the sounds of the waves washing up on the beach. He doesn’t say anything more so Hakyeon hums.

“But I’ll be back next summer.”

“A year is a long time.” Taekwoon sits back once he’s done with the ranking of the shells. He spies the ones at the end and moves them away, judging his final ranking. He takes the first shell and turns to Hakyeon. “Give this back to me in a year.”

Hakyeon takes the shell carefully, frowning. “Why?” Taekwoon loves his shell collection…

“So you don’t forget.” His eyes are back on the ranking of the shells and he crosses his legs, back straight and he watches the sea. “So you don’t forget me.”

“I won’t,” Hakyeon says quickly, clutching the shell to his chest. He spies the hole in the shell and thinks of a chain that’s small enough to fit through it so he can wear it. He won’t forget Taekwoon even without the shell but this is special. Taekwoon loves his shell collection and he’s entrusting one of his new arrivals to Hakyeon for the year that he’s gone.

“I’ll keep it close.” Hakyeon moves, wrapping his arms around Taekwoon’s shoulders, leaning his head on his shoulder. “Thank you for giving it to me.”

Taekwoon holds onto Hakyeon’s arm, leaning into him and closes his eyes. Hakyeon knows he’s smiling even without looking. He’s only known Taekwoon for a month but hanging out every day and being with his family constantly gives him a new sense of closeness. He wants to know more about Taekwoon but he’ll leave soon.

There’s still next year.

 

***

 

Hakyeon is twelve now and when his father parks the car, he apologises to his siblings and runs off towards Taekwoon’s house, the shell bumping against his chest on the chain his mother gave him. His mother calls after him but he just yells at he’s going to see Taekwoon and she gives up on chasing him.

Hakyeon is out of breath when he makes it up Taekwoon’s porch but he knocks and one of his sisters answers, smiling at him and calling for the boy Hakyeon has missed so much. 

Taekwoon gets halfway down the stairs before he almost falls in his hast and Hakyeon hugs him when they finally meet halfway, holding him close and smiling like a fool. They pull away, arms still around each other and Hakyeon pulls the shell out from his shirt, taking it off to hang it around Taekwoon’s neck.

“I kept it safe for you,” he says, smiling and Taekwoon nods, watching Hakyeon tighten the chain so it’s not as long.

“I knew you would,” Taekwoon says and Hakyeon has missed even his voice. And when he smiles, Hakyeon feels like the summer sun is right in front of him, shining out of him.

 

***

 

Hongbin is Taekwoon’s new friend, a nine year old boy from further in town and they get along well. He easily becomes a little brother to them both and he lives in one of the temples near the far side of town with his grandmother and sister. Taekwoon doesn’t have a lot of friends and he met Hongbin at the market when Hongbin was with his older sister, selling jewelry that she had made. Hongbin had given him a lot of chains and leather ropes that Taekwoon had made into shell necklaces and bracelets and he gives one to Hakyeon silently, putting it on his wrist.

“He made that one with me,” Hongbin says, kicking a dried out weed on the side of the path they’re walking down. Before Hakyeon can grin and thank him, Taekwoon pushes Hongbin, sending him to the ground with a yelp and sits on him, grabbing his hands to stop him from shoving Taekwoon off.

“You weren’t supposed to tell him,” Taekwoon says, deadpan and Hakyeon snorts, getting close and pulling Taekwoon from Hongbin who’s wheezing on the ground, groaning.

Hakyeon helps him up and Hongbin shoves Taekwoon back which ends in another fight until Hakyeon slaps them both on the back of the head, shaking his head at them. Taekwoon keeps quiet but pouts and Hongbin whines in his defense, hanging onto Hakyeon’s hand and tugging.

Hakyeon smiles at him and pets Taekwoon’s now short hair, running his fingers through his fringe. He looks a little older, the back and sides of his hair short copped and clean. Hongbin’s hair is longer than both of theirs, reaching his collarbones in pretty waves. Hongbin is handsome, even with his big cheeks and Hakyeon ruffles his hair, saying he’ll race them to the shoreline and runs before they can protest.

Taekwoon is the last to the shoreline and he shoves Hongbin in complaint but Hongbin sees it coming and tackles him to the ground. This seems to be a normal recurring thing and Hakyeon sits down on the shore while the two of them scuffle and grunt.

“You both are such boys,” he says and Hongbin sits on Taekwoon’s chest, making him choke. He grins at Hakyeon, dimples popping and Hakyeon shakes his head like a disappointed parent, smiling the whole way.

 

***

 

Hakyeon’s mother cuts his hair again while Taekwoon sits in front of him, picking the hair from the towel so he can wave it under Hakyeon’s nose when he talks too much. His mother cuts it a little short at the back and front, his forehead showing through and Taekwoon touches his face, squishing his cheeks until Hakyeon does it back to him just to get him to whine and pat his arms in protest.

“Taekwoonie has big cheeks,” Hakyeon says and his mother laughs.

“But he’s a very pretty boy,” she adds, dusting off Hakyeon’s neck. “Nice eyes and good cheekbones. You’re going to be a very handsome boy, Taekwoon.”

Taekwoon shakes his head, dislodging Hakyeon’s hands on his cheeks and he scrambles away while Hakyeon is stuck to the floor with a towel around his shoulders. If he moves to chase his friend, he’ll never hear the end of it but he runs upstairs when his mother is finished.

“How do I look?” he asks Taekwoon who’s sitting on his bed, one of Hakyeon’s mangas in his hands. “Don’t make fun of it.”

“It looks nice,” Taekwoon responds, blank faced as usual. “You look nice.”

Hakyeon smiles softly, climbing onto the bed and he tells Taekwoon the story of the manga and who the characters are while they read it together. He’s read it before but Taekwoon likes the art and hasn’t heard of it before so Hakyeon teaches him.

They fall asleep together, Hakyeon’s head on Taekwoon’s chest and his mother smiles and closes the door, flicking off the lights and calling Taekwoon’s mother to let her know where her son is for the night.

 

***

It’s a routine now.

When his dad parks the car every summer, Hayeon runs off and meets Taekwoon. He hugs him tight and marvels in how much Taekwoon has changed, how much he’s grown and Taekwoon does it back. He’s taller than Hakyeon now but not by much and he has a cut on his face from one of his soccer games but it’s okay because it doesn’t hurt.

Hakyeon has started dancing and he tries to teach Taekwoon a ballroom style he’s learnt but it doesn’t go too well. It’s fun still and Hakyeon dances with one of Taekwoon’s sisters when he just can’t get it right. Taekwoon decides that he really can get it this time and impatient shoves at his sister until she moves and lets go of Hakyeon so that he can try again.

They’re both fourteen now, Taekwoon’s birthday a month ago. Hongbin turned eleven a few months ago and when they meet up, Hongbin in his temple clothing. He gives Hakyeon some cookies that his sister baked. It’s nice to sit and catch up while they eat on the pier but Hongbin has to go home and he runs off with his scandals in his hands and his robe flowing out behind him because he untied it so he could breathe. His grandmother ties them really tight, apparently.

Taekwoon picks at the ribbon on the box of cookies and unravels it, tying it around Hakyeon’s neck loosely. It’s red and the other ribbon is black so Hakyeon ties Taekwoon’s hair at the back of his head in a small ponytail. His hair is long again, just above his shoulders. When Hakyeon last saw him, it was short and he could see his ears but now, Taekwoon looks older with his hair like this. He looks like the boys back home, Hakyeon thinks as he pulls Taekwoon’s bangs to frame his face neatly. But he’s very far from the boys back home.

They talk about school, about how Hongbin keeps getting hundreds of valentine’s cards every year and how Taekwoon turned down the one he got. Hakyeon frowns, lifting one eyebrow in thought. He got a few himself but it’s not like he really cares a lot about it. Some of his friends have had their first kisses and Hakyeon isn’t jealous or annoyed by it. He doesn’t know why everyone was in a rush to do it.

“It’s silly, isn’t it?” he asks Taekwoon who shrugs, eyes on the setting sun.

“Hongbin thinks so. He hates couples.” Taekwon rubs his nose and sand flecks off his fingers. “But I guess it’s nice. It’s how people show their love, I guess.”

Hakyeon knows that much. His sister kisses her boyfriend to thank him, his father kisses his mother when they’re happy or when he comes home from work. Hakyeon thinks it’s sweet but what’s so special about a first kiss? You’re just going to do it again, right?

“Would you kiss anyone in your class?” he says to Taekwoon, turning to him and Taekwoon doesn’t reply for a moment.

“I don’t like anyone,” he answers, turning to Hakyeon. “I don’t want to kiss anyone in my class.”

“Would you kiss Hongbin?” Hakyeon screws up his nose when Taekwoon scoffs. Hongbin is a brother to them. He doesn’t know why he really asked because his answer is the same: no.

“Do you want your first kiss to be special?” Taekwoon asks, tilting his head. The sun is setting around them, the only indication that it’s getting late.

Hakyeon shrugs. He thinks it should be but does it seriously matter? He thinks he’ll kiss other people, won’t he? So why should he waste time on it being special or make a big deal out of it? But he has one question, a question he doesn’t think of much but feels like he has to ask.

“Does it matter if I don’t want to kiss girls?” he says and Taekwoon shakes his head.

“My sister says it’s okay. She likes kissing girls sometimes.” He scratches at his head, disrupting the ponytail but not enough to pull it all out. “My mom says that’s okay.”

Hakyeon nods slowly, pulling his legs up on the pier, barefoot and faces Taekwoon as best as he can. “Would you kiss me?” He’s not nervous, he has no reason to be but Taekwoon thinks for a moment too long and it makes his heart race.

“Yes,” Taekwoon answers finally, his dark eyes alight with the fiery sun of the summer that Hakyeon loves so much. Taekwoon is his best friend, he’d never judge him and Hakyeon nods to him, as if they’re making a deal and he holds Taekwoon’s hand comfortably.

It’s nothing magical, just a peck because Hakyeon doesn’t see the point in doing anything else and Taekwoon smiles softly when they pull away, squeezing Hakyeon’s hand and they watch the sunset until it’s dark and Hakyeon can anticipate his mother’s scolding when he gets home. It’s nice to spend any time with Taekwoon and when Taekwoon stands outside Hakyeon’s house, holding both his hands now, Hakyeon kisses him again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Taekwoon says softly, his eyes closed and Hakyeon nods and hugs him tightly.

“Don’t forget me,” Hakyeon says, the lights of his house shining on Taekwoon, painting him in yellow light. “I won’t forget you, Jung Taekwoon.”

“Don’t bully me, Cha Hakyeon,” he grumbles but waves when Hakyeon does. 

Hakyeon goes inside, a smile on his face and his mother shakes her head, sending him to bed with a movie and some dessert from the dinner he didn’t eat.

 

***

 

Taekwoon is a really strong swimmer. Hakyeon is okay but he’s smarter in the sense that he put on sunscreen and Taekwoon didn’t. At first, they barely notice it but when Taekwoon climbs onto the pier after a while, Hongbin slaps his shoulder just to make him hiss and Taekwoon falls back into the water, his long hair all over his face.

“You’re burnt!” Hongbin squeals, running off the end of the pier and bombing into the water. Hakyeon laughs, swinging his legs off the edge. Taekwoon is in a tank top while Hakyeon wears a rash vest but Hongbin chose to wear nothing but his shorts and a cap to keep his hair out of his face. 

Taekwoon swims under the pier and Hakyeon watches him, hopping down the ladder and into the water. Taekwoon’s family is on the shore with Hongbin’s sister and Hakyeon waves at them to show them where he’s going.

“You’re the one that didn’t put on sunscreen,” he scolds and Taekwoon ducks his mouth below the water, splashing at Hakyeon to get him to shut up.

When they come out and Hongbin’s sister leaves with Hongbin, Hakyeon helps Taekwoon’s mother put aloe vera lotion on his back, ignoring Taekwoon’s whining. They both scold him and Taekwoon pouts the whole time they walk home, his towel over his head because he can’t put his shirt back on right now. He holds Hakyeon’s hand with both of his until they have to let go and Hakyeon refuses the hug because Taekwoon is covered in lotion and it will hurt him more.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Hakyeon says, pushing Taekwoon’s fringe from his red face. “Don’t hurt yourself, okay?”

Taekwoon pouts again but nods, his sister cooing at him. Hakyeon waves at them and his father checks him for sunburn but he’s clear. He hopes Hongbin is okay too but he sincerely doubts that his sister let him leave the house without covering him head to toe in sunscreen.

Taekwoon’s mother rings and tells them that Taekwoon is okay and sleeping and that Hakyeon should watch out tomorrow because he’s upset about not getting a hug. Hakyeon wishes them a goodnight through the phone, hanging up.

 

***

 

“You’re good at dancing,” Taekwoon says quietly.

They’re in his living room, alone for the most part while his family is out doing whatever. His sisters are home but Hakyeon wanted to show him a routine and Taekwoon told his sisters not to come downstairs.

“I spend a lot of time doing it,” Hakyeon says, giving Taekwoon back the ribbon he tied in his hair. He’s been learning for two years now and he wants to keep getting better and better. He dreams of going to study in other countries, learning different styles and such and he tells Taekwoon that he wants to go to Japan.

“How long will you go for?” he asks softly, worry in his voice.

Hakyeon sits down next to him, leaning his head on his shoulder. “I’m not sure. Some programs are six months while others are a year. But I can’t go until I’m sixteen, so not for another two years.”

It’s strange to think that they only see each other once a year for a month. Hakyeon feels like he’s known Taekwoon his whole life, that he’s grown up with Taekwoon’s family. This town feels so familiar to him, the people and the places within. He knows it like the back of his hand, knows exactly where he met Taekwoon and knows how far the walk is to his house, how far up the mountain Hongbin’s temple is. This town is his home away from home but he feels more at peace here than he ever did back home. Taekwoon makes him come back here, makes it feel like he’s coming home.

“Don’t leave over the summer,” Taekwoon says, almost begging and Hakyeon shakes his head, pressing closer to him. He’d never do that to Taekwoon. He doesn’t want to give up his summers that belong to Taekwoon.


	2. Chapter 2

But all good things come to an end.

Hakyeon’s mother calls Taekwoon’s when they show up in the summer after Hakyeon and Taekwoon both turned sixteen. 

Hakyeon got an opportunity he couldn’t turn down in March of that year. He left in September, crying his eyes out with his dance team behind him at the airport, begging his mother to apologise to Taekwoon and got on the plane to Japan with his team. It’s only for six months but when summer rolls around and he’s in Japan, he cries and wishes he had the shell that Taekwoon gave him all those years ago. He sends letters when he can and tells his mother to give them to Taekwoon if she sees him, to give him the ones that are especially marked with stars.

But his mother tells Hakyeon everything she can. Taekwoon is a lot taller now, she tells Hakyeon though a letter in his third week in Japan. He’s pushing six foot now and Hakyeon is still hoping he’ll grow but his height is good for his dancing right now. Taekwoon writes to him after some time, in the third week that Hakyeon’s family are in his town and Hakyeon cries in the lobby of his hotel, shaking his head when Taekwoon says he loves him and he’s proud of him in his awful handwriting.

 _I love you too,_ Hakyeon replies in his head, his hand over his mouth. Some of his team, the older ones, walk past him and wave and he nods to them, his cap hiding his face. He’s on the ground, squatting and to anyone, he probably looks ridiculous but Taekwoon’s words keep going even though Hakyeon knows it’s a struggle for him to communicate his feelings and Hakyeon hums, smiling as Taekwoon talks about what he’s missed.

_Hongbin is older now. He’s growing taller but his hands are still small. I wonder if he will be taller than us? I’m not really sure. Maybe he will be, even if he’s only thirteen._

_It was my birthday last month. You knew, though, because I got your letter. I’m eating well so I hope you are as well. I wish you were here to see him but I can wait. I’m impatient but I can wait for you._

_Wait for me, too?_

“I’ll be home soon,” Hakyeon whispers to the paper before he closes it lest he cry onto it. _I’ll see you next summer. I love you._

Hakyeon clutches the letter to his chest as he wills blood back into his legs and stands up on wobbly feet. He has a performance in the coming days and he’s exhausted from crying so much. He needs sleep and when he steps into the shared room, a few boys look up at him and smile as they shuffle to get ready for bed.

“Letter from your girlfriend?” one of them asks, an eighteen year old and he winks when Hakyeon flushes red, shaking his head. No, Taekwoon isn’t anything like that. Taekwoon is just Taekwoon and he’ll always be Taekwoon, his safe place.

Hakyeon blinks, frowning.

Taekwoon owns his heart, he realises but it’s stupid to be in love at sixteen with someone he only sees once a year, someone he writes to often. He shakes his head, climbing into the bunk and keeping the letter close to him. He thinks he’s been in love with Taekwoon for a while before now but he smiles and falls asleep, too tired to think about it all.

 

***

Hakyeon mails his letter in return to Taekwoon and receives Taekwoon’s final one when he finally comes home, grabbing it before he goes to the airport. It’s been a great experience for him and if he's lucky, he’ll go back to Japan soon, in the next year or so. He hopes it won't be over the summer but he and Taekwoon talk through letters when they can and that's enough for him.

 _Was it worth it?_ Taekwoon asks in his letter. Hakyeon lifts his duffle onto his shoulder, confused as to how Taekwoon’s voice isn't accusing from the letter; he's happy for Hakyeon.

_Maybe you can teach me some Japanese when I see you again. I'll finally understand the mangas we always read. It will be nice, I believe, to know what you spoke over there. Japan seems so far away, doesn’t it?_

Hakyeon smiles, blushing a little. Taekwoon sounds excited to see him and Hakyeon can't wait for summer to come again. It’s a four hour drive to see him so Hakyeon can't easily make the trip, especially without a license but if he could, he would. 

He uses the family landline to call Taekwoon when he gets home, late at night but simple. He wants to hear his voice and his parents have long since gone to bed. “I miss you,” he says, a little quietly but Taekwoon hears him loud and clear.

_“I miss you, too. Will you come back this summer?”_

“I will.” Hakyeon’s voice is definite. “I wish I could come early for your birthday but I have to do my exams.”

_“I wish you could, too. It will be winter break soon, so maybe I could come see you.”_

“I'd like that a lot,” Hakyeon smiles, his heart beating faster when Taekwoon hums. His parents might wake up and Hakyeon tells him so, quickly saying _I love you_ into the microphone and Taekwoon repeats it back before they hang up.

Hakyeon doesn’t think about his feelings much. He doesn’t need to. Summer can't come faster.

 

***

 

Summer does come but not without its consequences.

Hakyeon's exchange was fantastic but in order for him to go back, he has to audition and compete over the summer. He can't miss it but he wishes he could even though it’s an opportunity he's wanted for so long. He promised Taekwoon but this is the second year in a row that he's missing out and he cries when he gets the letters for him to compete, of happiness and agony.

He doesn't tell Taekwoon. He can't bring himself to break his heart again and his mother tells him she’ll tell him over the phone. They're not going this summer because Hakyeon needs a lift to his competitions and his routine is so practised, he couldn't screw up if he tried. He knows it so well but he doesn't feel happiness in it anymore.

He doesn't know why he ignores Taekwoon. His mother picks up the phone for him and tells Taekwoon he’s busy but he’s thinking of him and Taekwoon understands and hangs up. It’s the guilt and the fact that he keeps saying he’ll see him soon, that he can't wait, that they just have to wait a little longer, that’s eating Hakyeon alive.

Taekwoon catches on soon enough and when he does, he's not angry. He's disappointed but he understands for the most part. Hakyeon clutches the phone to his face and tries not to cry, finally answering him.

_“Why didn't you tell me? This is a huge opportunity for you.”_

“I didn't want to break your heart,” Hakyeon admits, biting his finger to stop himself from crying. 

_“You could never,”_ Taekwoon whispers, his voice quiet and only for Hakyeon to hear. It’s early in the morning, just past two and they’ve been on the phone for hours even if it’s been Hakyeon avoiding certain topics and feigning innocence.

 _“Take care of yourself,”_ Taekwoon says, and Hakyeon takes a shuddering breath. He nods even though Taekwoon can’t see him, hasn’t seen him for two years and he desperately wishes the letters they send each other could come every day, not every few months. 

Hakyeon holds his wrist up, the lights of the kitchen shining on the shell bracelet that Taekwoon gave him years ago. Taekwoon scoffs when Hakyeon says it brings good luck but it truly does. Hakyeon wears it until he has to take it off for his stage outfits and puts it back on when he wins and smiles at it like it’s a lucky charm because it is. It’s Taekwoon’s gift to him, just like the shell he gave him to keep safe for a year. It’s Hakyeon’s prized possession.

They say goodnight and Hakyeon hangs up with a lighter heart, sighing and wiping his eyes as he finally goes to bed.

 

***

 

But it’s not easy for Taekwoon.

Hakyeon is gone for now and it’s almost possible for them to meet but not at the same time and Taekwoon wonders exactly when he started thinking of Hakyeon as his treasure. He needs to see him or he’ll go crazy because Hakyeon is his best friend, his summer secret that everyone knows of now but he’s still Taekwoon’s. He’s Taekwoon’s everything and he wants to tell him but he’s not here and Taekwoon is alone on the beach in the winter, shivering and barefoot to feel the pebbles under his toes.

The waves crash loudly against the shoreline but it’s not enough to drown out Taekwoon’s thoughts, to stop the pity and the pain from missing something he never had. Hakyeon is his best friend, someone he loves dearly but only sees once a year but they speak every day as much as they can. They make sure of it because Taekwoon is as much as in love with Hakyeon as Hakyeon is with him. At least, he’s naive enough to believe that Hakyeon is. He hopes he is because it’s getting pathetic with how much Taekwoon thinks about him.

The knowledge is deafening and Taekwoon looks at his shells on the shore to distract himself, watching the waves creep up and take them back to the ocean. They don’t belong to him anymore and Taekwoon draws his knees to his chest, tucking his head into his chest. He holds himself against the cold, knowing he should have brought a coat.

The footsteps come and somehow, Taekwoon knows they’re Hongbin’s. His footsteps are small and with the rain from this morning, he sinks a little into the pebbles. Taekwoon’s clothes are wet but he doesn’t bother with it.

“What are you doing out here?” Hongbin asks, voice a little louder than the wind that’s ruffling their hair. Hongbin’s, still long and pulled back but Taekwoon’s is short again, barely touching his eyebrows. He cut it off a few weeks ago, hating the length.

Taekwoon doesn’t reply and Hongbin doesn’t leave. He stares at Taekwoon’s profile until he simply sighs, watching the sea. The waves crash and Taekwoon feels lonely. Hakyeon knows Taekwoon hates the summer. He hates the summer without Hakyeon.

“Taekwoon?” Hongbin calls again and Taekwoon glances over his shoulder but says nothing. Everyone knows he hates the summer. Everyone knows he wants Hakyeon back, selfishly and unashamed. “What are you doing?”

“He didn't come,” Taekwoon says to the waves, as if cursing the ocean will fix it. Hongbin sits next to him on the pebbles, frowning. He more so squats, so his robes don’t get wet and holds his shoes in his hands.

“Hakyeon?” He looks down at the shoreline, at the shells that are refusing let go of the sand when Taekwoon nods. “Well… Maybe he’ll come this summer? It’s winter right now, after all.”

“He said he’d be here.” Taekwoon knows he's not coming this year because Hakyeon’s competitions start in the summer. Hakyeon didn’t say it, neither of them did, but Taekwoon isn’t angry. He only wishes he could be with him, to make the summer better for them both. “He said he loved me.”

He shouldn't be bitter. Hakyeon does love him but he misses him so desperately and wants to tell him everything he feels but he can't because if the letters go unanswered, he’ll go crazy.

Hongbin opens his mouth to say something but stops short. He looks down again, finally sitting down and drawing his knees closer like Taekwoon is right now and leans into him. It’s cold for once near the sea, near the sea that owns them both and they both are finding comfort for different reasons.

“Why would he say he loves me if he wasn't going to come back?” Taekwoon knows he’s being dramatic, knows he’s being pathetic but he wants to tell Hakyeon he loves him to his face, not over the phone, not in the letters he writes once in a blue moon. He wants to kiss him, hold him, _anything,_ because Taekwoon only likes the summer when it’s with Hakyeon.

“Love doesn't disappear,” Hongbin says quietly, but definite. Taekwoon lets him lean into him, hold onto his shoulders that keep getting broader. He’s growing up and he’s doing it with Hongbin. He wants to grow up with Hakyeon, too. “Hakyeon… I could tell, Taekwoon. He loves you. Maybe something came up with school. Wasn't he trying to go on exchange?”

He doesn’t know so Taekwoon tells him and Hongbin burrows closer when the wind gets too strong, when it pulls his hair from his ponytail. Taekwoon watches on, his hair too short to blind him and shivers against it, wrapping his arms around Hongbin when the boy gets too cold. 

Hakyeon isn't here and he won’t be in the summer and without Hakyeon, the summer feels awful. He only wants the sun that is Cha Hakyeon. He selfishly wants him to come to him even if Hakyeon is competing for an opportunity he might not ever get again. He wants to tell him he loves him in person, loves him more than his child heart knew, loves him like Hakyeon loves the sea.

Taekwoon takes a breath and wishes him good luck. In a few days, it will be Hakyeon’s seventeenth birthday.

 

***

 

Hakyeon keeps the bracelet on when he performs.

He wins.

He opens a new letter addressed to _Jung Taekwoon_ and leaves it empty on his desk, pen lying next to it.

 

***

 

Summer passes slowly and Taekwoon hasn’t heard from Hakyeon in weeks. Neither him or his family have mailed his family and Taekwoon’s last letter went unanswered. When he calls, Hakyeon’s mother answers like she did a few months ago and Taekwoon… stops bothering.

Their last letter was months ago. They spoke whenever they could and Taekwoon would wait for the post office to open in the morning so he could send his letters off as fast as possible. He’d check his letterbox every day and now he checks it at the end of the week, handing the bills to his parents and the bank statements to his sister. Life returns to normal and Taekwoon tries to forget why his heart feels so broken.

Taekwoon will be eighteen this year, as will Hakyeon. He won’t go to university even though he wants to. He’s in the wrong place at the wrong time and his family doesn’t have the money for it. He works when he can and completes his high school degree as best as he can. When he graduates, he has Hongbin to cuddle, who’s fifteen this year and graduating middle school. It’s ironic that they graduate together, Hongbin in his uniform and Taekwoon in his, smiling at each other until Hongbin shoves him away so he can sign his yearbook. It’s a small class and there’s not much to see but it’s community for them and Taekwoon holds Hongbin who’s growing taller by the minute and cries.

“If I get into university, will you come with me?” Hongbin asks when they’re alone in Taekwoon’s bedroom. Taekwoon is reading on the mangas Hakyeon gave to him and tries not to let it hurt.

“If I can,” Taekwoon says, not really thinking much of it. Hongbin has always wanted to go to university and it would be nice to do so but Taekwoon has never thought it through too much. He’s never dreamt of university much, knowing he’d never be able to afford it.

Hongbin rolls over on the bed, almost off it but he steadies himself, sitting on the edge of the bed. Taekwoon turns in his chair to him, to give him his full attention and Hongbin purses his lips for a moment.

“I’d… I’d want you to come with me. So I could know someone there before I start university.”

Taekwoon watches him curiously for a moment before he smiles softly. If Hongbin’s asking, then he will. It would be good for them both, he knows. Taekwoon has been in this town too long and he knows everyone here. It’s a close community and that’s not a bad thing but he needs to get away for awhile, needs to explore and let himself breathe somewhere where the sea isn’t always present.

“I’d like that too,” Taekwoon says and Hongbin smiles, boyish and sweet.

 

***

 

Hakyeon shakes outside his university dorm. 

The box of things in his hands is there and he takes a breath, knocking on the door. He’s nineteen and starting university and he’s nervous as hell. He thinks he might throw up but the door opens and his roommate smiles at him and helps him inside.

His roommate’s name is Jaehwan and he’s only seventeen, newly graduated and in his first year but he’s sweet and upbeat, lovely. He’s a music major, in the campus choir and is a ball of life and energy and Hakyeon loves him immediately.

Hakyeon decorates his room with some of his ribbons from competitions and pins up his bracelet to his wall. He doesn’t wear it anymore and he wonders why he’s such a damn coward when he stares at it. He left Taekwoon alone in the dark, ignoring his letters and cutting him off all for what? For fear? He’s a coward and he knows it and he spills it all to Jaehwan in their second year, when Jaehwan is listening to a love song loudly at nineteen years old and it makes Hakyeon stupidly cry.

“If you saw Taekwoon again, what would you say?” Jaehwan asks, comforting him with an arm around his shoulders to keep him warm and safe.

Hakyeon shakes his head, unsure. What would he say to Taekwoon? That he was afraid to love him? That he was too much of a coward to respond to his letter and just spit it out, too much of a coward to _face_ him and tell him himself?

It’s stupid to think that he threw it all away. Taekwoon gave him nothing but happiness but Hakyeon thought it was short lived, that they were just kids thinking they were in love. He got in his head and convinced himself it wouldn’t last, especially with the distance and the barrier of communication. Hakyeon didn’t trust himself, even when the letters brought him so much happiness. He took Taekwoon’s love for granted and now it’s gone and he can’t get it back.

“I don’t know,” Hakyeon whispers because he truly doesn’t. He’s twenty-one and still in love with his childhood crush but he fucked it up and was selfish and now he’s too cowardly to see Taekwoon ever again.

Jaehwan sighs, leaning into him and rubbing his back. It’s silly, Jaehwan is younger than him but Hakyeon hasn’t been held in so long and he cries until he simply can’t and falls asleep, Jaehwan leaving him in his bed, tucked in with the bedside lamp on.

 

***

 

After Taekwoon turns twenty-one and Hongbin is eighteen, they leave the seaside town. Taekwoon drives since driving makes Hongbin nervous and it’s four hours to the university that Hongbin has a scholarship with. They easily make the trek and Hongbin is knows exactly where their apartment is, navigating them when they reach the city.

Taekwoon worked since he was eighteen for this. When Hongbin brought it up to him that day in his bedroom, Taekwoon got whatever job he could and saved up whatever he could. He’s experienced and smart and the jobs he did range a lot in topic. Hongbin tells him it will be good because there’s virtually no where he can’t work and Taekwoon smiles at him, ruffling his hair and focusing on the road ahead of them.

They move in progressively. Taekwoon’s parents bring more of his things up, along with Hongbin’s sister making the trek to give him some more clothes and his resume as well as portfolios. Hongbin will be studying graphic design and art theory and Taekwoon will look for work around the campus, hoping for something to tie him over until they both get settled.

It’s weird to spend his summer like this. He’s away from the sea, away from where he would wait for Hakyeon and it’s weird. He doesn’t have Hongbin chasing after him to get him to come inside. Instead, he’s keeping up with Hongbin in the big city and trying to get their things in order. It works out alright and Taekwoon settles for the time being.

His heart hurts a little less but it’s never enough.

 

***

 

Wonshik is nice enough.

He and Jaehwan have fooled around a few times and his attitude is similar to that of Taekwoon’s a few years ago when he kissed Hakyeon for the first time and told him that it’s okay to not like girls. Wonshik is refreshing, his presence calming and Hakyeon likes him a lot. He’s a graphic design major too with a lot of tattoos even at his young age. 

Wonshik talks of a new guy in his class, someone he’s never seen before and Jaehwan chimes in, asking questions that are a little lewd but Wonshik smiles handsomely and rattles on about how pretty the boy is and that his dimples are the cutest thing Wonshik has ever seen.

“His hair is long, too,” Wonshik says and Hakyeon keeps it to himself that this boy sounds a lot like Hongbin. He hasn’t seen Hongbin in years but there’s no doubt that he’s grown up into a handsome young man.

“He says he wants to cut it, though.”

“No!” Jaehwan whines. “Long hair is so pretty on boys. There’s a guy at a cafe a couple blocks away and his hair is just curling around his ears. He looks so nice, pretty eyes too! Long hair really suits some people.”

“My long hair was awful,” Wonshik says, tilting his head in thought. “It wasn’t down to my shoulders or anything but it was just thick and annoying. You have to put a lot of work into it, I suppose.”

Taekwoon said that about his hair before he cut it all off. He’d never shave his head like Hakyeon did when he was younger but he didn’t mind his mother cutting his bangs with kitchen scissors all that much so long as his hair was off his face and away from his neck. When Taekwoon was fifteen, he cut it all off again and Hakyeon doesn’t know if he grew back. He wishes he knew.

Jaehwan complains that his hair curls when it’s long and that he hates it and Hakyeon keeps quiet, flicking through his textbook. There’s little notes through the pages, evidence of it being borrowed and Hakyeon smiles at the little lines.

“Maybe I’ll ask him out,” Wonshik says, smiling cheekily. “He’s really talented, too. He said he comes for a town a few hours away and grew up reading old comics and stuff with his sister.”

Hakyeon furrows his brow. Now, _that_ sounds a lot like Hongbin. That’s basically Hongbin’s upbringing but for a graphic art student, Hakyeon supposes it’s not too uncommon. And besides, why would Hongbin be here of all places? He would have just graduated high school and Hakyeon doesn’t know if Hongbin ever dreamt of going to university. Taekwoon said he didn’t want to go to university, that he never thought about it because his family just didn’t have the money and Hakyeon had taken that for what it was but he doesn’t know about Hongbin.

“Do it,” Jaehwan says, patting Wonshik’s hands. “I’m sure it’d be nice, considering he’s new, too. If you guys don’t work out, well, it’d be nice to have a friend.”

Wonshik nods, admiration in his eyes as he watches Jaehwan stand up and sling his bag over his shoulder. It’s getting late and the library will close soon. Jaehwan pats Hakyeon’s shoulder and he numbly picks up his books, nodding to Wonshik when the freshman waves at them in farewell.

Hongbin wouldn’t be here. 

Hakyeon desperately and selfishly hopes he is.

 

***

Hongbin with a crush is a Hongbin to be feared.

He's constantly angry about the simplest things and he punched Taekwoon in the arm while ranting about a boy in his class and how pretty his eyes are.

“I hate it! Why does this feeling not go away?” he yells, slamming his hands down on his desk. Taekwoon would laugh at him if he could give him an answer.

“It sounds like you hate him,” Taekwoon mumbles and that's clearly the wrong thing to say because Hongbin surges up from his desk and moves to the couch so he can sit on Taekwoon and make him wheeze like they used to do when they were kids.

“That's the worst part,” Honghin says, deadweighting himself and Taekwoon chokes on his own spit. Since when was he so fucking heavy?

“He's nice, he's smart, he's talented. He has a little sister and he's nice to girls!” Hongbin shakes his head, repositioning himself so that Taekwoon can't get a word out. “He showed me around campus. He offered to take me out for coffee. He gives me criticism without being an asshole about it. He said I have pretty hair.”

 _Game changer._ Taekwoon rolls his eyes. Hongbin knows he has pretty hair, he's been told it for years. Taekwoon has _braided_ it for years. If he wasn't the way he is, he’d tell Hongbin that one boy’s opinion doesn't matter but Hongbin has never liked someone and Taekwoon can't exactly talk about ignoring feelings when he's been harbouring them since he was twelve.

Hongbin stands up finally and Taekwoon marvels at how he can be so skinny but still have so much weight. His book is squished and he has to leave for work in a few minutes but he sighs and sits up, looking right at Hongbin.

“What's his name?” he asks and Hongbin scowls, his ears going red.

 _“Kim Wonshik,”_ he all but spits. “And he's lovely.”

 

***

 _A small get together,_ is what Jaehwan tells him and admittedly, that's what it is. It’s Hakyeon, Jaehwan and Wonshik in their dorm even though Wonshik lives off campus and could have done this in his flat but that's besides the point. 

There's a little bit of alcohol but nothing major. There's only three of them and Wonshik has invited his crush over because said crush lives off campus and hasn't seen the dorms before.

“You're going to have to get him,” Hakyeon says, sipping on his lukewarm beer. It’s the middle of winter, he doesn't understand why it’s warm. “The campus security won't let him in.”

Wonshik has only called his crush _Kong_ so far. Apparently it’s a nickname he gave the boy so he could talk about him to his other friends without them going out and finding him. It’s not that hard to figure out who in his class would be the boy but his friends are stupid, according to Wonshik.

Wonshik stands up after a few more minutes and says he's going to get Kong. Jaehwan nods to him, handing him the dorm keys so he can get back in and Hakyeon waves to him. Hopefully Kong won't mind how messy Jaehwan’s desk is. They did vacuum but he didn't bother to tidy.

“You're twenty-two this year, right?” Jaehwan asks, leaning back on his bed. “Thinking of doing anything special?”

Jaehwan is twenty now and asks him that every year. They've known each other for three years now and Hakyeon shrugs, as he does every year. He never asks for much; Jaehwan usually gets him a small cake and they eat it together but he doesn't go out and party or anything. He’ll call his parents from the payphone every year and they sing him happy birthday which is enough for him.

“I don't know,” he replies, smiling softly into his beer. There's a knock at the door and Jaehwan answers it in flourish, smiling at the infamous Kong.

Hakyeon’s heart stops beating when he sees Kong.

And so does Kong’s.

Hongbin goes from smiling, a little shyly with the dimples he's grown into, to pale and shocked. Wonshik senses the atmosphere and frets immediately, asking Hongbin if he's okay and Hakyeon just stares at him.

He's tall now, taller than Hakyeon and his hair is the shortest its ever been but still brushing his shoulders. It’s in a half updo and his eyes are the same as they always were, wide and doe like. He shakes his head, glancing from Wonshik to Hakyeon repetitively, eyes wide and Wonshik connects the dots in an instant.

“You know each other?” he asks, hoping to lighten the mood but Hongbin’s face changes and he steps outside the door frame, motioning Hakyeon outside with his finger.

“I'll come back inside soon,” he tells Wonshik, attempting a reassuring smile. Hakyeon rises and goes because if he doesn't, he knows Hongbin will drag his ass outside and kick his teeth in. Well, maybe not that graphic but he sincerely doubts that Hongbin is happy with him. They haven't seen each other since Hongbin was eleven. That's long enough to fester hatred.

Hongbin snatches Hakyeon’s beer when they're in the hallway, downing it and throwing his bag on the floor as he sits down. He pats the spot next to him, opening the door to put the beer bottle there and smiles the fakest smile he can manage up at Hakyeon.

Hakyeon sits in silence, unsure. Hongbin deserves an explanation and if he's here then Taekwoon should be too, right? He feels like crying but Hongbin hates tears and Hakyeon doesn't deserve the comfort.

“I'll not get angry,” Hongbin says, staring ahead. “I just want to know why. You hurt Taekwoon and I and I want to hate you but why did you do it?”

Hakyeon stares at the wall as well, willing his eyes to dry. He simply sighs and tells him. He has nothing to lose and he's done crying. Hongbin deserves to know and Hakyeon is just happy that he’ll even listen to him.

Hongbin is quiet for a while after he's finished. He looks down, resting his arms on his knees and shakes his head slowly, sighing. When he looks at Hakyeon, there's tears in his eyes.

“You're an _idiot,”_ he says, tears falling. “You… You just gave up. You're ridiculous, Hakyeon. You-” He takes a breath, calming himself down. His eyelash are wet and if Hakyeon wasn't so emotional, he’d tease him for being pretty even when crying.

“You couldn't see how much he missed you,” Hongbin says and that breaks Hakyeon.

He cries and Hongbin does too, albeit more to himself than anyone else. Hakyeon knows he's a coward, he doesn't need Hongbin to tell him that but he was sixteen and the feelings wouldn't stop and they still haven't and he convinced himself he’d rather forget than suffer. It hurt him more than ever, Taekwoon included.

“Is… What's he doing now?” Hakyeon asks cautiously. He doesn't really deserve to know but he selfishly wants to.

“Working.” Hongbin picks at his fingernails. “In a cafe a few blocks away. He saved up and moved out here with me. I’m here on a scholarship and he came with me.”

Hakyeon wonders if Taekwoon thinks about him as much as he thinks about Taekwoon.

“I missed you both every day,” Hakyeon breathes, drawing himself close. “But… I never answered the letters and it- I was going to send one back and I just _didn't_ and then I started competing and my parents didn't go back to your town but I wanted-”

“I told him you didn't do it on purpose,” Hongbin says. His eyes are glistering and he wipes his eyes quickly. “That you still loved him. I knew you did.”

“I still do.” Hakyeon laughs, almost bitter. “I have all his letters in my dorm. And the bracelet he made it. I wore it when I would perform.” Seven years later and he's still hung up on Taekwoon. He hasn't seen him in eight years but he never stopped thinking about him. The shell bracelet is still hanging up on his wall. 

Hongbin hums and Hakyeon visibly sags when he leans his head on his shoulder, just like he would have years ago and Hakyeon smiles like a fool, tears streaming down his face.

“Don't run away again,” Hongbin whispers.

Hakyeon nods, kissing the crown of Hongbin’s head and pulling him closer. 

 

***

 

Taekwoon’s work is boring on a good day.

He makes coffees, avoids speaking to customers because apparently he's too rude but sometimes Hongbin visits him when he's out of class. Sometimes he brings Wonshik. Taekwoon shakes his head when Wonshik flushes red at whatever Hongbin is teasing him about.

But that's not today. Today, it’s boring and Taekwoon is stuck working the closing shift alone. No one is here but he's required to wash the tables and clean the machines as well as the fridge windows so that there's no crumbs, clean for tomorrow’s batch of goods.

He works methodically and cleans as best as he can. It’s slow but with his earphones in, he gets it done. The cafe is technically still open and he glances up when some people walk past. It’s seven o’clock on a Friday, though, and he desperately hopes people have better places to be than this cafe.

He takes the chair that wedges the door open and pulls it inside, flipping the sign to closed. He doesn't lock it because if he does, he won't be able to get back out but most of the lights are off in the shop so it’s not as if people can mistake him to still be working.

The door jingles and Taekwoon feels his soul leave his body. Who genuinely believes he's working alone in a open cafe when the lights are out and the fridges are empty? He's about to do his speech about how he's closing, he has nothing to sell, the machines are clean and he's not dirtying them for the sake of one coffee but he turns and drops the plate in his hand, the ceramic shattering across the floor.

“You didn't cut your hair,” is the first thing Hakyeon says to him in eight years and Taekwoon has half the mind to pick up the broken ceramic and throw it at him but he composes himself like he always does, takes a breath and stares at Hakyeon.

Hakyeon isn’t really that different. His hair is a lighter brown, falling over his forehead and he looks handsome, older but youthful. He’ll be twenty-two in the coming month.

Taekwoon lifts his chin, trying to keep it together because what the fuck is Hakyeon doing here and how did he know Taekwoon works here?

“I should hit you,” he says, almost a hiss but Hakyeon kneels on the ground and cleans up the ceramic with his hands. Taekwoon scoffs and makes him empty his hands, grabbing the dustpan and broom to gather it all.

“You’ll cut yourself,” he says, keeping his eyes on the broken pieces. “Don't be stupid for the sake of trying to make me feel better.”

“I deserve to feel stupid,” Hakyeon says, a watery smile on his lips. “I hurt you and I’ll do-”

“Don't,” Taekwoon spits, sitting back. He puts the dustpan to the side in case he spills it again. “Don't say you'll do anything. Don’t give me excuses.” He stands up and Hakyeon stands too, keeping his hands to himself but he wants to reach out. Taekwoon won’t let him.

He’s a little angry but he’s mostly confused. Why now? Why is Hakyeon here now after eight years of no contact? How did he know Taekwoon would be here, would be working alone? Has he always known? 

“I know Wonshik,” Hakyeon says and Taekwoon nods curtly, looking away. He takes the dustpan and broom and empties it, more so to give his hands something to do. He’ll start shaking if he doesn’t. If he knows Wonshik, then he’s met with Hongbin but Taekwoon doesn’t feel betrayed. Hongbin misses Hakyeon as much as Taekwoon, only in a different way but it makes sense as to why he wouldn’t just drop out of nowhere that Taekwoon’s childhood friend is back from the dead and in their lives again.

“I know you’re upset,” Hakyeon says, sitting down when Taekwoon offers him a seat. Taekwoon almost blows up right then and there but Hakyeon doesn’t let him interrupt. “I’m not asking you to take me back and I didn’t come here thinking you’d forgive me. But I want to explain things to you and if you still want me after that, then I’ll stay.”

Taekwoon crosses his legs slowly and gestures for him to go on. He has all night and if it will make his heart ease, he’ll try anything. He’s in pain and Hakyeon is too. They both need things to stop but they both need closure.

Hakyeon takes a breath and recounts the last time that they spoke. Taekwoon wonders if there was someone else and he once thought that Hakyeon stopped talking to him because there was someone else who made him happy, someone else who became his best friend but Hakyeon tells him everything.

He tells him of the dance competitions, how he wore the bracelet and how it’s pinned to his wall in his dorm room as they speak. He was always thinking of Taekwoon but the time stretched on and when he went to send a letter, he had nothing to say or too much to say. He didn’t want to hurt Taekwoon but he did it anyways, without thinking.

“I wanted to see you when I was in Japan,” Hakyeon says quietly, eyes on his hands in front of him. “When you sent the letters, I would reply to you in my head before I wrote it down. When- You would write I love you and I thought it was true and then I convinced myself that… That my own feelings were stupid. I was young and it scared me to be saying that to someone even if I knew I loved you.”

 _Loved._ Taekwoon swallows, takes a deep breath and doesn’t speak. 

“The feelings never went away.” Hakyeon laughs, bitter and his eyes are filled with tears. “I thought they would and I was too scared to tell you because I thought that- that it was just _normal_ for us to say it because we’ve been friends for so long.” He looks up at Taekwoon and shakes his head, trying to keep his tears to himself. “I lost your address when I moved into my dorm three years ago. I got in my own head and never asked my parents for your landline.”

Taekwoon isn’t upset. Well, he is a little bit but it’s unrealistic to think they could have made it work when they were so young. The distance alone would have killed them. They were both naive but Taekwoon would have liked for Hakyeon to have told him what he was going through.

“Don’t you dare run from me again,” Taekwoon warns, taking Hakyeon’s hand as if he’s going to do it now.

Hakyeon grips his hand like it’s a lifeline and hangs his head on the table, his shoulders shaking and Taekwoon thread his fingers through his hair, keeping him there and soothing him.

“I still love you,” Hakyeon chokes out, his breathing thick and uncollected. “I never stopped loving you.” He looks up and Taekwoon cups his cheeks, wiping away his tears.

“I love you too.” Taekwoon isn’t a fool when it comes to Hakyeon. “I never stopped loving you, either.”

 

***

 

“It doesn’t feel real.”

He’s completely right. Taekwoon didn’t think he’d ever have this again but he does, Hakyeon is in front of him, lying next to him like they used to do when they were kids, talking until one of their mothers would hiss at them to be quiet and go to bed through the walls.

Taekwoon hums in reply, closing his eyes. Hakyeon won’t leave because he’s gripping onto Taekwoon’s hand like it’s his lifeline, a rope he can’t let go off or he’ll be lost and Taekwoon doesn’t tell him it’s the same for him because they both know the answer.

Hakyeon’s been busy which isn’t surprising to Taekwoon. He’s in university studying dance performance and keeps himself busy outside of class with a local dance studio, the same one he grew up in. Where he started dancing and showed Taekwoon certain moves in his living room when Taekwoon fell in love with him. He can’t shut up about his roommate and Taekwoon smiles when he talks, happy to hear his voice, to feel his presence after so long even if he can’t input his experiences when Hakyeon asks.

He’s just been working, he tells Hakyeon. Working to move out here and working with Hongbin on his mind in hopes that he would have enough money to leave the seaside town and start a new life with the closest thing he’s felt to a little brother. He’s okay now, secure and with Hakyeon back in his life, he feels incredible. His heart still hurts but it’s recovering and he knows he’ll be okay.

Hakyeon sits up and Taekwoon follows him, the two of them sitting on the edge of his bed. Hongbin still isn’t home but Hakyeon said he was with Wonshik tonight at his apartment so Taekwoon shouldn’t worry (it just made him worry _more_ but Hakyeon assured him that Wonshik is a sweetheart).

“Do you remember when we… We were fourteen and you kissed me on the pier?” Hakyeon asks to which Taekwoon shoves him _hard._

“You kissed me,” Taekwoon retorts but Hakyeon grabs his hands, wrestling them away to keep him still. “You did! I said it was fine to like boys and you kissed me.”

“I didn’t!” Hakyeon shakes his head, throwing Taekwoon’s wrists out so that he can free his hands and he touches Taekwoon’s cheeks softly, making both of them stop, staring at each other with wide eyes.

They both know it’s coming but when Hakyeon asks, “Can I kiss you?” and tilts his head, Taekwoon nods frantically, closing his eyes.

It’s just as simple as it was when they were younger but it’s _Hakyeon._ A simple press of lips, Taekwoon’s a little chapped but it’s what he’s wanted for so long that he grabs Hakyeon’s shirt to pull him closer, to keep him there and never let him go again.

Hakyeon smiles into the kiss, his hands in Taekwoon’s hair. He threads his fingers through the strands, easy and soothing. Taekwoon won’t stop pulling him closer so Hakyeon straddles him quickly, just to look at him and take him in. His eyes are searching and Taekwoon lets him, his hands on his hips, solid and grounding.

“I’m sorry,” Hakyeon whispers, pushing Taekwoon’s bangs from his face. He should cut his hair but it’s the last thing on his mind when Hakyeon looks at him like that. “I’m sorry I left. That I didn’t answer your letters.”

Taekwoon nods, not dismissing. “I know.” He rests his forehead against Hakyeon’s, closing his eyes again and holding him as close as he possibly can in his lap. “I love you. I’ve been loving you for a long time now.”

Hakyeon laughs, kissing him softly. “So have I,” he whispers against his lips and Taekwoon rolls his eyes, falling back onto the bed just to make Hakyeon yelp and fall with him. They’ve always been a team and now, Taekwoon isn’t going to keep going without his partner by his side. It’s winter now but when the summer comes again, Taekwoon knows he’ll like it. 

Summers with him have always been his favourite because he only likes the summer when it’s with Hakyeon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed :] feedback is always appreicated


End file.
